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It was the Irish Son wot did it, wails Kerry

Added on December 12, 2004

Sunday December 12th 2004


IT HAS to be said that researching an article on Brian McFadden leaves you feeling remarkably cheapened and dirty. There appears to be literally nothing that that man will not do for publicity.

After spending an hour on the internet I wanted to type the words 'Naked Blondes Hardcore XXXX' into Google, just to sorbet my mind of the rubbish I had been reading.

Unfortunately, it appears that he has even been photographed naked, so you couldn't entirely rule out the possibility of him popping up to ruin even that simple pleasure.

McFadden has received heavy criticism for his song Irish Son (itself a homonym for the red top newspaper which has done so much to promote our troubled genius).

However, one really does have to look at the lyrics to see how they might get up the noses of both the Christian Brothers themselves and those pupils from an earlier era, some of whom did actually suffer at the hands of a different generation of Brothers.

"We were warped by the Christian Brothers/ In the cell blocks at our schools/ Get a handprint on your skin/ Before you break the rules . . . " That, of course, was way back in the bad old days of 1996.

He has though experienced real pain in his life. He famously left Westlife to "spend more time with his wife and family", just as his wife had decided that they had already clocked up a sufficiency, nay, an over-abundance of time together.

It appeared that Kerry Katona could live with the threat of tropical fever, poisonous snakes and giant eels swimming around her head - but not with Bryan, as he then spelled his name.

To be fair to McFadden, he has not tried to take advantage of the situation and use his family to help project his new image as a soulful survivor. Except in - wait for it - Sorry, Love Daddy, an emotionally sung letter of apology to his daughters Molly and Lilly-Sue.

Perhaps the most tender lines are when he tells his children (aged three and one) not to blame themselves for the break-up. "Every day is filled with pain/ But never feel that you are to blame/ Sometimes life breaks in mysterious ways . . . "

Nor indeed should they feel as if they are to blame, unless they broke open their piggy bank to pay for the lap dancer who he had sex with on his stag night - the alleged reason for Kerry belatedly dumping him.

She clearly didn't believe his assurances that he was a changed man; a view that she may well have been reinforced in by a recent interview that he gave to Heat magazine, where he revealed that he had texted Chris Evans to see did he want to "play golf, drink beer and shag hookers".

Unfortunately he sent the text to Evan's estranged wife Billie Piper by accident. "Luckily Billie saw the funny side of it." As undoubtedly will Kerry's divorce lawyers.

Indeed, Kerry herself could do with all the cheering up she can get as she goes into care suffering from depression. While one obviously sympathises with her plight, she did demonstrate that they may not be as incompatible a couple as one might have thought by choosing the famous Priory clinic for her treatment - after having apparently told just enough "close pals" to keep every tabloid front page busy.

The reconciliation may not be far off.

John Smith


? Irish Independent

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